Insanity (of the productive variety)

I think the karma is turning around for the better. I don't know that we're going to be OK, but it certainly feels like we're are. Big changes have happened. The major stress in our lives is gone. The future is very uncertain and still shaky, but I have high hopes.

The show I'm in is physically demanding, and I've almost fallen out of tree, but it's getting great response and people seem to be enjoying it! Yay!

I now also count myself as one of a few steadily working actors around here. I booked a dream job. A long-term gig performing live for soldiers on suicide awareness and prevention. It's an amazing opportunity to use acting as a tool to make a positive impact on a segment of our society that so badly needs support. It pays, there are understudies and it's a community service. I'm humbled and in awe to be a part of this production. I'm also in a stunning company of actors whose work I admire, but never had the opportunity to work with before. I'm giddy and flattered to be among them. It feels incredible to be a part of something that makes me want to bring my A+ game.

I can't believe my good fortune after all the uncertainty of the past few months.
The Actors' Fair was a great success for our fledgling taping business. We had a lot of folks come by and take our business cards as well as a couple of head shot photographers and a local acting coach who said they would definitely send referrals our way. OK, Louisiana, get ready to see our work! I feel blessed. Really, really blessed.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change....

It's becoming more difficult to write on a more regular basis. So much of what I'm going through isn't directly happening to me. It's happening to my husband and I'm helpless to change anything for him. It's very painful for me not to be able to just fix/change everything that's wrong right now. It's also not fair to him to air his privacy out in the open just because I need an outlet. It is MY freaking blog after all isn't it? So, yeah, it's about mememememememe.

My husband might argue that's not necessarily different from any other day. He's not being mean, just pointing out the obvious. What? I have FLAWS?! The hell you say?! I've caught myself lately talking more and asking less. Two ears, one mouth. Hello? Not and island! I'm working on that. I promise.

So, in trying to be fair and a good wife, I have to be vague. The details I suppose aren't necessarily relevant, I'm just trying to be there for my biggest supporter and fan at a time when he needs his wife the most. He's sacrificed more than I have; believed in me when I had doubts; and bears the biggest burdens and stresses, so that I could pursue my heart's desire. I hope he can say that I've been there for him. He's been there for me.

My focus can't be on me right now. That'll be a nice change. He's supported me for so long, it's my turn. I just want to be able to deliver when it comes time to. It may mean dropping the dream, whether temporarily or permanently. I don't know. I can't know what tomorrow brings. Trying to do both acting and paying a mortgage (when will I stop regretting this purchase?) on one steady income just isn't realistic. But you already knew that, didn't you? I just got excited too quickly and didn't think about the worst case scenarios. Oh, hubris....